I Couldn’t Have Made this Up

We have a pig, she doesn’t have a name.  I just ask the kids what she said when they feed her, so I know for sure they walked up the hill and gave her food.  She always says the same thing, “thank you, snort snort.”  That’s how I know they fed her, they are able to tell me she said, “thank you.”

She got out last summer while Kent was working in the garage, he looked out the window and realized something was amiss.  There should not be a pig walking in the front yard.  The kids were all gone, he came and got me and I jumped on the four wheeler to help him out.  He was out trying to lasso her at the same time our American Bulldog attacked her.

She proceeded to return to her cage.  She said, “the world was not safe and would not venture out again.”  She lied.

The day Kent left for prison she came for another visit.  Fortunately, Noah got her back in her cage.  This past Monday, she came for another visit.  Noah was not home.  I was in the kitchen cleaning out the refrigerator.  I saw her out the back window eating the trash my daughter left outside the back door that was supposed to be in the trash can at the top of the driveway.  Miss Piggy was eating “said trash.”  Since I was cleaning out the fridge I just started throwing food out to her trying to keep her busy until Noah would get home two hours later.

A bit later I think I heard a knock on the door.  Not wanting to answer it I pretended I didn’t hear it.  I went to the bedroom and put my bra on because I knew sooner or later I was going to have to face the fact or chase the fact that was missing from the cage up on the hill. The phone rang.  It was so in so at ……s23 hwy staying at so in so’s house.  Someone had knocked on her door and asked her about Miss Piggy.

Somehow …..s23hwy got my number and inquired if I had a pig that was missing.  I said, “yes I know shes out.  I’m not sure how I’m going to get her until my son gets home because my grandson is sleeping and I can’t come fetch Miss Piggy.”

It just so happened Miss Piggy was causing the gals dogs and horses quite a commotion.  I apologized and assured her I would fetch her as soon as my son got home.  She said she would attempt to walk Piggy home.  Must not have worked because I didn’t hear from her again.

Thankfully, Noah arrived home shortly after.  As in about an hour.  I filled him in on the adventure our gosh darn pig had been on that morning and asked him to go look for her.  He happily helped out as I allowed him to drive around the corner unaccompanied by me.  He is just a boy of 15 years.  He found her and his dog politely asked her to return to her cage, in which she refused.  So doggie brought her home by force, by the ear. Literally, this dog got her home dragging her by her ear about a quarter mile.

Noah called me and said, “bring the gun.”  He had chased her for an hour by then and had had it.  He said,” I’m killing her, I can’t keep chasing her.”  We live on the highway and she was causing problems.  I took him the 9mm and he proceeded to chase her around our acreage with his dog attached to her ear.  That made it somewhat difficult to get a bullet in her head.  Noah didn’t want to shoot his beloved dog.  Somehow piggie got away from doggie and ran across the highway into the nearby field owned by someone that we do not know  because they are from Des Moines and there was no time to notify them that we needed to chase down piggie.

Noah and I decided to follow her into the field and chased her around. She got out of the field and back by the highway.  We went onto the highway in which Noah attempted to shoot her from my window, and causing the rest of my hearing to go with the shell casing flying into the backseat.  I asked him to please not shoot the pig from my car and to get out and shoot her.  She took off into the field once again.  This time he got out and ran after her.  A short time later he did take her down.  He called me as I was on the road watching and said,  “get a log chain so we could bring her home.”

That had to be quite a site.  We dragged a 350 pound pig behind my SUV with a log chain.  Noah asked me to make sure no one was coming on the highway,  he was a little embarrassed.  I made sure no one was coming down the highway.  I didn’t know the mailman was going to come from the dead end the other direction.  So the mailman got to watch me drag a pig down the highway.  I’m sure we were quite a site.

This is typical of what happens in my crazy life.  That’s the one word that can sum this life up. I am so incredibly thankful for Noah, he not only shot the pig, he  hooked her up dragged her home, and then he butchered her.  He had her hanging in the garage all by himself.  I couldn’t believe he got her up to hang all by himself.  All this took about four or five hours.  The next thing I know he says, “can I go mudding.”  I let him go with his friends thinking I don’t even care what happens with the pig now.  I’m soooo done with this day.

He comes home after a couple hours with his friends and starts butchering her.  He gets her skinned and comes in and is like, “mom I’m not sure what to do now.”  Fortunately, a friend who had butchered hogs came and told him what to do.

Noah did bring me larger than normal parts then Kent would have brought me, but he did an outstanding job.  He’s fifteen going to public school for the first time since kindergarten this year.  He’s lost his dad, his mentor, his hero, but is really stepping up to the plate and providing what he can for his mama and four sisters.  He’s an amazing kid with an amazing heart.  And I am so incredibly thankful for him.

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