As I begin writing this I am hours away from leaving the most important thing on this planet to me… My family. I am not even sure where to start. As I look over the next 15 months I realize how many important things I will miss. My mother will turn 77 just seven days after I leave. Just the other day she called me frantic that she had locked her keys in her car. I rushed to her as quickly as possible to open it for her. We lost my dad 2 1/2 years ago and I am concerned about not being there for her and I also do not want to be away from her for the next few months because at this time in her life everyday is important to me.
While looking at my kids and grand kids I am filled with grief over what I will miss out on. My son Noah will turn sixteen.. this is possibly his most formative and crucial years for him to grow into a young man and I will not be with him physically. Maddie will be graduating and turning 18. I am sickened that I will not be here with her to celebrate her accomplishment. Sami will be turning fourteen and I was excited at the thought of teaching her to drive, but I will have to help her finish up those lessons. Our youngest Chloe will becoming a teenager turning 13 which has always been a bit of a right of passage in our house. I am saddend that I won’t be here to sing happy birthday to her. My son Kent jr just bought a jeep and will be fixing it up, I wish I could be there for that. My oldest daughter, Makala, has been going through a difficult time and we have grown closer. I am truly struggling at the idea of getting into the car Tuesday morning and leaving them behind.
Today was dedicated to family time. I shared a lot of memories, played games, had a lot of laughter and shared some tears. I wouldn’t trade the time I had with them today for anything. I was sitting and looking at them when I had this thought of doing this in 15 months knowing that this terrible time had finally passed. For a brief moment I imagined myself in the future, I had this feeling of joy and peace come over me. This is just for a season.
One of the toughest things I have been dealing with, is the thought that I will have to go 15 months without having my wife in my arms or being able to gaze into her beautiful blue eyes. We have been through so much as a couple I know we can persevere through this and we will come out on the other side stronger in our relationship with God and with each other. I have decided I am going to do my best to dedicate my time to getting to know God on a more personal level. I am going to spend every waking moment developing a prayerful life, a lifestyle that’s filled with knowing Him better than ever before. I feel this will make me a better husband, father, grandfather, son and brother to the ones I am leaving behind.
I have been very open about the mistakes I have made. I truly believe the sentence I received was unjust. The judge was politically motivated, his wife is an activist for the liberal movement and donated to my opponent. I can see how if I focused on this injustice I can rob myself of this amazing opportunity to know God as I never have before. I cannot alow space for bitterness in my heart. I need to fill myself with the love of Christ to ensure there is no space for sin to take root again in my life. Please pray for me in this area.
I am hopful that people will come along beside my family and help us bare each others burdens. I know we can’t do this alone, but I am confident God will provide the people we need to fufill His purpose. We are truly living like the scripture that describes the birds of the air that do not know where thier next meal will come from.
While I will be in the goverments eyes, inmate 15000-030, I know that Christ actually determines who I am. Thank GOD.
Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
P.S.Thank you Mom, Becky, Makala, Kent jr, Angela, Maddie, Noah, Sami, Chloe, Oliver, Remington, Brantlee and my beautiful wife Shawnee for making today wonderful. I love you all very much. We will always be a family!